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Sunday, March 15, 2009
HOME FOR FOUR MONTHS

It’s been four months since Maili came home and began her new life as part of our family. It continues to amaze us how much she has changed from the frightened, defiant little girl we met in China to a loving, affectionate child with a smile that brightens the day of everyone she meets. I decided to devote this month’s post to taking a look back at how she was then and where she is now because the transformation has been such an amazing thing to watch. There were so many things that she just wasn’t able to do when she came to us, many of which we take for granted in the normal development of babies and toddlers. Things that we just assumed she would be able to do had seemingly never been taught, but the learning process for her has been so exciting to see because she is so willing and eager to learn. She watches everything we do and tries her best to imitate it, even if it takes several attempts before she gets it right. And when she accomplishes what she set out to do, she is so proud to share it with us that it sometimes brings tears to our eyes when we think that not too many months ago she wouldn’t have had anyone to help her celebrate those milestones. Many of the milestones we celebrate are in the area of her bonding and attachment to us. Some of them may seem trivial to some who are reading this, but those in the adoption community will certainly understand their importance.

THEN: She would not make any attempt to hold on when we carried her; she would hold herself apart from us not touching us at all with her arms
NOW: She wraps her arms around our necks and lays her head on our shoulders

THEN: She didn’t know how to give or receive affection, she would either stiffen up or push us away when we tried to give her hugs or kisses. Occasionally she would accept our affection but she did not spontaneously give it. She didn’t even know how to give a kiss.
NOW: She gives kisses and hugs freely and spontaneously, snuggling up in our laps the minute we sit down and remaining there for long periods of time as though she just wants to absorb all the love and affection she missed for the first four years of her life.

THEN: She walked as though just learning how, even though she was four years and three months at the time we met her. She was unable to walk up stairs unassisted and could not climb up the ladder by herself to slide at the playground.
NOW: She navigates the playground independently and RUNS everywhere she goes. Having two flights of stairs at our house caused her to develop her walking and climbing skills pretty quickly.

THEN: She spoke 2-3 word sentences in Chinese occasionally but had very little language most of the time.
NOW: She speaks 3-4 word sentences in English and is able to answer questions and tell us what she did each day at school. Typical conversation:
Mom: What did you do at school today?
Maili: I eat, I make seerculs (circles) , umm, I cut, I cullah (color), do ABCs.
Mom: What did you eat?
Maili: ummmm…. cheekun(chicken) , and kutchup ( her word for ketchup), nanas (bananas) , and chackers (crackers)
Mom: Were you a good listener?
Maili: YESH! No touching doors. Cullah on PAPER. No cullah on table. Maili Mei Mei GOOD gull!

THEN: She would pack food in her mouth and keep it in there indefinitely, until we discovered it an hour later and insisted that she swallow it. She attacked each meal as if it were her last and would continue to eat long after everyone else had finished, to the point where we finally had to make her stop because we were afraid she’d be sick.
NOW: She knows that there will always be food available and she has learned to stop eating when she is full. She will refuse food when she is not hungry because she knows it will be there when she gets ready for it.

THEN: She never cried or came to us when she would fall and get hurt, even when she was bleeding or had visible injuries. She had no expectation of sympathy and would simply get up and walk away, even when we knew she had to be in pain.
NOW: She comes running to us to kiss her boo boos and make them better. She knows that we will be there with a hug or a bandaid and she will ask for both.

THEN: She would not sit still long enough to look at a book and didn’t seem to know what to do with one; she would flip and rip pages and then run off to do something else. She refused to sit down and be read to, even a page or two.
NOW: She loves to pick out books to read at bedtime each night and then snuggle in our laps to share them with us. She won’t let us skip a page and always tries to negotiate for “two more books mama”. Her favorite books are the picture dictionaries with the first 1000 words. She wants to name all the pictures and to try to find the objects when I call them out, and she is increasing her vocabulary every day by leaps and bounds.

THEN: She did not seem to have any sympathy or empathy for others; we assume that this was another thing that she simply didn’t experience early on in her life
NOW: If I say “Ouch, that hurt” she will respond by tenderly stroking my face and whispering “sorry, Mommy” and then giving me a hug.

THEN: She would not attend to the tv or a video for even 5 minutes at a time (yes, I know some of you are thinking “and that’s a BAD thing?”
NOW: She is obsessed with the Leapfrog Letter Factory and Meet the Numbers, both of which are teaching her important skills she needs for preschool. She will beg to watch them over and over, often several times a day. She loves to snuggle up in our bed with us and sing along to the songs.

Waiting for the bus

First bike ride

Snow Day

Daddy, I think you have snow on your beard

Creativity at its best

On the playground

Guess who fell in the creek

Finally enough hair for pigtails (sorta)

THEN: She would be openly and deliberately defiant with us, having presumably never been told no before we came along. She would drop to the floor and pout when she did not get her way. She spent quite a bit of time in timeout that first month. She would sit and glare at us and scream.
NOW: She understands that no means no and respects the limits we set. She rarely has to go to timeout and when she does she comes out and gives me a hug and says sorry mommy.

THEN: She had no concept of different people having different names; she called everyone Mama, even other kids at her daycare center.
NOW: She calls family members and familiar people by their names and is learning the names of her classmates and teachers. The only person she calls Mama now is Mama.

THEN: She had no concept of personal space or personal belongings. She would run all over the room grabbing and touching whatever she could get her hands on, often throwing whatever she grabbed. Often she would flip light switches on and off and open and close doors.
NOW: She understands NO TOUCHING and will say “ I hold please?” before picking things up. She has stopped touching doors and lights at home although this is still an issue at school and church sometimes.

THEN: She had no idea what it meant to really be part of a family.
NOW: She completes our family in ways that we never could have imagined when we started the adoption process.

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