Jennifer's Place Archive


Referral Day Thought

Thoughts for you on this March referral day, from the wonderfully honest and insightful book From China With Love, by Emily Buchanan.

"Attached to the letter was a photograph taken when she was five months old: it showed a pale, chubby baby, with brown eyes, a slight red rash around her mouth and a glum expression . . . Her eyebrows were a little wrinkled, her eyebrows questioning. Was this really our daughter? She looked solid and real enough, but I couldn't feel her presence from the photograph. I wanted to hug her, but the motionless picture just stared back . . . I searched to feel a link with her. This was our child, but at the time I felt she was a stranger."

I believe that Emily's honest reaction to receiving her referral is a gift for us. Because the truth is, not everyone will experience love at first sight. After waiting endless months for this moment, you may not feel what you'd hoped or imagined, which can be crushing (especially when websites and blogs are full of "love at first sight" moments.) Please know that it is natural, and you aren't alone. For some, it simply takes time to feel a bond to these little pictures of your child. It will come.

"I kept looking at her picture. It was a strange feeling, but was I falling in love? After thinking at first that she didn't look particularly like our child, I now just couldn't take my eyes off her. It was as if something deep and hormonal was kicking in just from staring at her picture. The signal between eyes and brain was already creating a bond"

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