Jennifer's Place Archive


A Cold Spell

I stepped out into the cold tonight to run an errand, wearing a down vest and another jacket over that, and thought to myself, "Spring will never come." We live in Pennsylvania, where it has been grey, gloomy and snowy for several days. What a difference a week makes! Just last Monday we were enjoying sunshine, short sleeves, the playground and the driving range. Now this.

And it also struck me tonight that our referral feels much like this elusive spring - that it will never arrive. Again, what a difference a week makes! I have to admit, the eternal optimist in me loves that time every month when referrals are thought to be arriving soon, before any reliable rumors are surfacing . . . I have such hope for a surprise, for weeks of LID's to have been matched, for the slow-down to speed-up, for the some normalcy to return to this once predictable process. So as snow fell this Easter weekend and the awful news came that only 2 days of matching had been done, many of us could only sit stunned in front of our computers, broken-hearted.

I think many of us who've walked this way before want so badly to offer words of comfort and encouragement to those adopting for the first time. It is hard to find the right words. As I searched for something positive to share a thought occurred to me: Might we focus on the fact that not only are we counting down . . . albeit at a snail's pace . . . to something wonderful, we are also counting down to something lasting and life-changing. I've always been a "count-downer", crossing days off the calendar to vacations, holidays, summer, birthdays. And each event I wait impatiently for seems to just come and go . . . before I know it the sand in my toes is a distant memory, the Christmas tree is taken down, the summer sun gives way to the chill of autumn. But what we're waiting for right now, when that unbelievable day finally arrives, is something permanent . . . and referral day is only the beginning! Parenthood and all its joys WILL be yours, in time (I might add, at the perfect time) and it will most certainly be worth the wait. Friends, I wish so very much that this incredibly long process wouldn't rob us (and I include myself here) of the joy and anticipation we should be enjoying as we look toward becoming parents.

My other thought was that it sometimes feels, for those of us with infertility, that in choosing adoption we've simply traded one dizzying roller coaster for another. Perhaps instead we can envision this long, slow wait as the kiddie train that chugs around the amusement park. Not a whole lot of fun, but it does move ahead, slowly but surely. Each month families all over the world are experiencing their dream come true through China adoption. Each month the rest of us inch closer. We may be down, but we're not out. How I wish we could enjoy the ride.

At dinner tonight I asked Joe what words of comfort we could possibly offer. He simply said, "Because of this wait, you will receive that child . . . the child you were meant to have, and you wouldn't have wanted it any other way."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

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