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Monday, June 2,
2008
RUDD DAY!!!
Ok…first I want to start off by saying how much I have
appreciated and needed the words of encouragement and support. As
you will see, this journey has been more than amazing and wonderful,
but it has not come without some bumps in the road…or even an earth
quake here and there;-) Again your letters, emails, guest book
entries, myspace notes, phone calls, yahoo messages…you name it…have
kept me smiling and staying focused.
Ok…so where do I begin? Oh yes…how all my mornings have started…TOO
EARLY!!!! Lets see I was woken up at 1 AM to my bed shaking enough
to knock my legs off…the side. I have never ever been in an earth
quake so I had no idea. My parents came into the room and we were
just all freaked out!!! Please keep in mind we are on the 19th floor
of a big hotel…where no one speaks English!!!! My mom and I ran into
the hallway trying to find exits…while dad was trying to figure out
what to take with us!!! We ran into a house keeper that was just
smiling at us. My mom asks her about the earth quake and she just
continues to smile…we are like the little guy in home alone…
“AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” We run back to the room scrambling to
get answers. Which really was stupid when you think about it…we
could have really gotten hurt if it was more than it was. So
anyway…we call Bruce, we email friends, we scan the internet, we
flip through channels…non of which are in English. I am like “listen
‘run like hell’ should pretty much “look” the same in any
language!!!” So we scanned the channels to see if anyone looked
panicked.
So basically after about 3 hours of not finding out anything but not
hearing the walls cave in…we decided to throw up our hands and “risk
it”…I have not slept in like 4 days more than 7 hours total…and I
was getting my son that day! Don’t even ask me how I did this. I
went back to sleep…or I should say I laid down on a bed and had the
appearance of sleeping…
We got up…got dressed…not much was said while getting ready…I think
we were zombies. We had breakfast brought to the room…and then we
made our way to the Fast Train. It was upon boarding the train (a
two hour ride) that my thoughts began racing…my pulse tripled…tears
were trying to make their way down my face, my hands turned clammy
and well I just couldn’t seem to get my breathing down pat. After
the first hour of small talk…I just became quiet…very quiet…I had a
talk with myself. I looked out the window and just thought to
myself… “Linda get a grip!!!!! You are about to be a mother…this
little guy is going to be depending on you every second of every
day!!!!! I don’t’ think I could have freaked out any more (without
moving) than I was…. And as I am sitting there freaking out about
being a mother and how I am not sure if I can do it….my mom reaches
her hand over and just holds mine. I look over at her and she just
gives me that look that only a mother can give their child when they
know they are hurting, or they are scared and there is nothing they
can do for them but let them know they are there. She calmed me in
seconds…and I did not want to let go!!! My mom in that moment
transferred her strength to me…because she showed me that Rudd is
going to also be feeling the same way that I was…scared, anxious,
nervous, questioning, doubting….and there is nothing anyone can
really say to take that away…but I can hold his hand and give him
that look and that touch that only mothers can do… And I knew I
could do that!!!! I was READY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With minutes to
spare…we arrived at St. Lucy’s!!!
I got out of the cab and the air was thicker than Vermont Maple
Syrup!!! And just as sticky!!! Oh Lord it was awful!!!! We walked up
the stairs…and my nervousness started to disappear. How can it be
that now that I am here I am feeling better? Well we were taken to a
room that did not have air conditioning and the window were open…and
I am like OH PLEASE DON”T SAY WE ARE GOING TO STAY HERE!!!! Well
then they closed the windows and turned on the air…and we had to
take our shoes off before we entered. We sat on a couch and we were
introduced to our interpreter. SHE WAS AMAZING!!! I wanted to pack
her up and take her with us. She went over all of his
paperwork…information on his eating habits, sleeping habits and
such. They told us that Rudd had arrived with his social worker…not
the foster family. They would not be there. I was disappointed…but
determined to move on. They said that Rudd was being shy and they
didn’t want to bring him in just yet.
**Special Note** We did meet the birth mother. This was an extremely
personal and emotional time that we strongly feel we need to keep
private. I will share everything with Rudd when the time is right
and it will be his story to share if he so chooses. **
Well they brought him in and we have a shot of our first look!!! He
was shy for just about 5 seconds!!!! He began to play with the toys
and I joined him…and well the rest in history!!! This child is not
only beautiful…I mean from head to toe just adorable…but he is
SMART!!!!!! He loves music!!! Classical is a must!! He also loves to
put things away…hope he keeps that up through the teen age years!!
He is very curious and adventurous!! He is an explorer…and if it has
buttons to push…he will figure it out! He adores his grandparents
and they have been PRICELESS on this trip…I MEAN
PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!! My mom has the special touch of making him
laugh the most amazing laugh…and my dad has the gentle soothing
touch to help him relax. No wonder us kids turned out so well ;-)
It was on the train ride home that those special connections were
made. I sat with in the seats in front on my parents and had the
“feeling” of being on our own. We looked at pictures of his Daddy,
his new home, his dogs and his new family…we did etch a sketch and
giggled a whole bunch. There were times he sat quietly and looked
out the window…then would look up at me…and smile. I think he
knew…or least wanted to believe…this is going to be ok. His
granddaddy reached from behind the seat and played the get’cha game
with their hands…I can’t even explain how much Rudd enjoyed that! He
was giggling so much that people on the train were laughing too. It
was just contagious!
We made it back to our hotel…and well things started to settle in
for him…he wasn’t going back. I think at about bath time…when the
shoes were coming off…our little sweet man said, “I have had
enough”…you can’t take my shoes too!!! He cried and it was not just
a cry…it was a deep, sad, helpless cry. And well this new mom was
not ready to fight the battle. So we moved on…and well bed time was
not good either. I will need to explain this for true appreciation
that if you didn’t think I had it in me…maybe you will now.
He was totally not going to sleep in the crib…NO WAY…not gonna
happen. He was not going to sleep in the bed alone…NO WAY…not gonna
happen. He was not going to sleep with the lights out…the window
curtains closed…the TV off or the radio off…HA HA…. He was going to
have to be fooled. And here I am a zombie…I am going on no sleep,
two minutes from a total collapse…and all my adrenaline was escaping
my body and I was going to be a shell in about 30 mins. I laid down
on the bed, on my back and had him sitting on me while he watched
CNN and listen to the Nut Cracker Music. About 10 minutes into it
the eyes got heavy and moved the bear in….I laid the bear next to
him and he just stared at it….about 10 min later…I grabbed the
blanket and put it over the bear…and tucked the bear in….about 10
min later I got “the pillow”….the “have to have” item he brought
with him…we were getting closer…but still no “TIMBERRRRRRRR!!!” Then
the last and final touch…the binky…10 min later…TV off…drapes
closed…music still on…lights dimmed…we had a TIMBERRRRRR and down he
went…and I with him. Our first night together he had the bed and I
had a small corner with my legs hanging off the side with no
blanket…and it was heaven…I had arrived.
So yes…RUDD Day was just that…all about our little man and his
unique self that we have grown to love first in pictures and now in
the flesh. He is by every stretch of the word…our son. This day I
will never ever forget… not one little speckle of a detail will I
ever forget!!!
~Linda…Proud Parent of Rudd Wen-Sheng |
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