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Trip to China
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Wednesday,
December 31, 2008
From Mike:
Hi All - I know you haven’t heard from me since Gotcha Day, but
I haven’t been feeling so great this whole trip. I have not been
able to eat well and even though I tried, I wasn’t able to stay
as hydrated as I should. Add to that the lack of sleep and the
stress of my daughter not bonding with me as much as I had hoped
have kind of put a downer on my spirits. Don’t get me wrong, I
couldn’t ask for a more perfect child. She is just beautiful and
sweet and when she smiles I fall more in love than I thought I
ever could. She has the most perfect kid laugh I have ever heard
and her laughing makes me laugh. When she’s happy I am beyond
happy.
When I see her with Denice, I can’t put it into words. It’s just
too tough to explain. Denice is so good with her. She makes
Lauren laugh, she makes bath time fun & she has already taught
her the sign language for more. As new parents we don’t always
know what she wants. Is she tired, is she hungry, is she feeling
sick? Lauren is so attached to Denice that when she’s in the
shower or bathroom, I feel like there’s nothing I can do to
console Lauren. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I am a
little down about Lauren not bonding as well to me, but it has
only been a couple weeks and sometimes these things take time. I
know that in 6 months, none of this will matter because then
she’s be grabbing for my hand, wanting to play with me and being
Daddy’s girl. But in this weird place, living out of hotels and
getting to know this little person it’s all just overwhelming
for now. Once we get her on a real schedule, hopefully things
will even out.
This whole thing is so bittersweet. We are gaining a daughter
and finally have the family that we have wanted for so long but
somewhere there is a loving woman that had to make a
heartbreaking decision to abandon her child due to China’s
policy, which I still can’t comprehend.
Thank you to all who have written in our guestbook. It’s really
cool to see how much people who haven’t even met her yet already
love her. Just wait until you hear her laugh and see her smile.
You will be smitten too. Happy New Year to everyone and as I
write this part we are in a Junior suite in the Hong Kong Regal
Hotel watching our little girl crawling and exploring
everything. Oh boy can’t wait to see her at home with Barkley.
From Denice:
Today is our last day in China. Early this morning we headed out
to the American Consulate and took our oath to take care of
these children. It was a one liner, with hand raised and done.
Short & sweet, that’s the way we do in the U.S.A.!
We arrived in Hong Kong this evening and will get up early
tomorrow for our flight back to the U.S.A. What better way to
start out the new year than to bring our little sweetheart home
to start our new lives!
Soon after checking into our room in Hong Kong we got a call
from the hotel manager that the person below us complained about
“noisy children” above him so they asked if they could move us
to another room so he could get rest. Uhmmm ok, I admit Lauren
was crying, but darn the girl just got off a 4-hour bus ride and
was darn hungry – get a grip dude. And she’s just one little
kid, not a pack of 5 year olds! So long story short I told the
hotel staff that if we were going to be inconvenienced they
should compensate us. Next thing I know were being moved into a
suite with a separate TV room, large bath, bedroom, kitchen and
large veranda PLUS vouchers for free breakfast at the hotel
buffet. Yay, nice way to end the trip!
Friends of Pat & Ellie’s moved to Hong Kong recently so they
came out to the hotel with their 3 daughters (also adopted from
China) and treated us all to dinner. So incredibly nice and the
food was so good. I had a salad and it was GREAT!
The hotel is in full swing with a live band and balloons
suspended from the ceilings ready to drop at the chime of
midnight. There’s a huge digital counter in the lobby clicking
away…only 2 hours to go but I don’t now if we are going to make
it. We are all so very tired!
Lauren decided that she likes her Daddy today so that’s been
really good. She also decided that today would be a good day to
start crawling around & has been having a ball exploring the
suite.
As we prepare to leave China I find myself filled with such
mixed emotions. I am thrilled to return to the life that I know.
To fresh salads, ice cubes in my drink, insulin shots for
Barkley, shopping at Ross and the comfort of my own bed. But I
am also sad to know that I am taking my little girl away from
all she has ever known. Sad that Lauren is leaving the land of
her birth and I don’t know when or if she will ever see it
again. She’s so young that surely it will all be forgotten.
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Tess & Lauren are ready to go to the U.S.A.
Our little family
Lauren & BaBa are ready to ring in the new year!
Happy New Year!
This shiny hat is loads of fun.
Here's a New Years kiss for you all! |
How will she ever truly comprehend
the beauty of the Chinese traditions and her culture? Will she
resent our taking her to the U.S.? Will she be happy with the
life that Mike and I give her? Will she understand the sacrifice
that her birth parents made for a chance that she would have
more than they could give her? I can’t imagine what her mother
went through when she left Lauren that day. I have been told by
several people that based on the item left behind with Lauren,
they think her mother was poor and lived in the country because
the “material” is not common in the cities. They believe that
her mother traveled to the city to leave this child in a busy
area so she would not be alone for long. What went through her
birth mother’s mind when she laid her down for the last time?
Did she stay behind and hide waiting for someone to find her
daughter? Did she cry on the date that Lauren turned 1 as she
remembered this little beautiful gift that she left behind?
We’ll never have answers to these questions. All I do know is
that I am eternally grateful to this woman whom I will never
meet. Her loss, her suffering has allowed me the greatest gift
of all…to have a child of my own, something nature would not
afford me. I bless this woman. I pray that she finds comfort
because in my heart, I believe that she loved Lauren so greatly!
I promise to do my best to take over in raising this child as
best I can. To give her everything she needs to thrive and live
a happy life. Mike and I find such joy in
seeing Lauren smile. Even though Lauren’s bond with Mike is not
yet as strong, it has started to blossom none the less. When he
does a silly dance or face, she lights up and gives the greatest
laugh. Her laugh is infectious and we can’t help but laugh along
with her. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband to
share the gift of parenthood with. He would go to the end of the
earth to get her whatever she needs and his love for her is so
apparent.
I love feeling Lauren’s warmth as she snuggles into me. She
holds on so tight; I hope she knows that I’ll never let her go.
When she reached out to my face and smiles back at me, my heart
soars!
Everywhere we have gone in China, someone has stopped to tell me
how big Lauren’s eyes are. They keep telling me that she is very
lucky and will be more attractive as an adult because of this
characteristic. I don’t see the shape of her eyes & gauge such
things, I just look into those eyes and see such happiness, such
light, trust and yes I do think I already see love. I can’t get
enough of those chocolate brown eyes. They mesmerize me!
Thank you to all of our friends (old and new) and family for all
of your support thru the whole adoption process and for all the
messages while we were in China. We looked forward to every note
and are so glad we have them to share with Lauren when she is
grown. We plan on posting an update once we’ve been home for a
couple days so feel free to check back!
Pat & Ellie – Thank you for EVERYTHING. We love you so much and
honestly I don’t know how we would have gotten thru all these
ups and downs without you. Tess is so beautiful and sweet and we
look forward to watching her grow up with Lauren. They are going
to fight like sisters and love like sisters!
Joe & Jen - This website has been a godsend. Not only has it
allowed our family & friends to share in our experiences but
also it has made a great journal for Lauren to read one day. We
are so very grateful that you started the website and we wish
you all the luck in the world with your next journey to China.
I wanted to include a poem for Lauren that I had read years ago
and loved.
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The
Chosen Heart
©Teri Harrison.
Longing for a child to love,
I'd wish upon the stars above.
In my heart I always knew,
A part of me was meant for you.
I think how happy we will be,
Once I adopt you, and you adopt me.
I dream of all the joy you'll bring,
Imagining even the littlest things.
The way it will feel to hold you tight,
And tuck you in every night.
The drawings on the refrigerator door,
And childhood toys across the floor.
The favorite stories read again and again,
And hours of games with make-believe friends.
The day you took my outstretched hand,
A journey ended, but our lives began.
Still mesmerized by your sweet face,
Still warmed inside by our first embrace.
I promised to give you a happy home,
And a loving family all your own.
A house you've now made complete,
With laughter, smiles, and tiny feet.
A parent is one who guides the way,
Know I will be there everyday.
Rest easy as each night you sleep,
A lifetime of love is yours to keep.
Longing for a child to love,
I'd wish upon the stars above.
In my heart I always knew,
A part of me belonged to you. |
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myadoptionwebsite.com
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