Trip to China
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Tuesday, June 19, 2007 Well, today began much improved over yesterday morning. Jude woke up silently, slowly taking in the fact that indeed, he was still in the presence of these semi- strangers. I approached him slowly and rubbed his back, which he allowed, and he relaxed and closed his eyes again for a few seconds. Then he decided he was ready to get up and, with a smile on his face, sat up and came to me! Definitely food for a mama's heart :) While he is still occasionally wary with me, he is beginning to slowly see me as comforter and provider. I know that this process of attachment is just that, a process. It is hard not to get focused on the here and now and expect too much too soon. And I was prepared for him to not be willing to accept me for a while, so this is a much welcomed surprise. It fascinates me that out of three adoptions, each experience has been completely different from all the others. Isabelle was simply shut down, and it took her many months to fully open up and realize that someone would be there to fulfill all her needs. Sophie grieved terribly for the first day, and wanted very little to do with me. The grieving was even worse after visiting her nanny at her orphanage a few days later. But soon afterward she decided I was her mama and hasn't looked back. Jude is still different from the girls, but it's a story that is still being written and I suspect it will have twists and turns just like our other adoption stories do :) On adoption day the orphanage director gave me a bag with some of Jude's things inside, the cameras I sent, a book about Gutian and what I thought were a few of the outfits I had sent in my numerous care packages ;) Upon further inspection, I realized (with the guide's help in translating the orphanage's note) that the set of clothes in the bag was the actual outfit that Jude had been wearing when he was found. Unbelievable. I have heard of other families receiving such a gift, but would have never expected to hold in my hands, the clothes that my child's birth family carefully dressed him in on the day that he was left to be found. Amazingly, I was also given the birth note that his birth family had written and pinned on his clothes. The actual note, not a copy. I so wish that my girls had a tangible reminder of their beginnings, to either embrace or not, something that somehow connects them to a family they will never know. Every time I am in China, I am reminded vividly of the previous adoption trip and this time I keep thinking about my last trip here and my precious Sophie! It makes me miss her terribly, and is a overwhelmingly emotional reminder of how MUCH I have come to love her since she became my daughter a little over one year ago. Of course, I miss all my kids (I think they are getting tired of seeing me tear up on Skype) but I am so filled with a sense of love for her, as my daughter, that was only a tiny seed newly planted the last time I was in China. And realizing that makes me even more excited to see what God has in store for our family in the next year, since the addition of sweet Jude to our brood! Jude's special need is congenital clubfoot. Before and after accepting his referral we did a lot of research on this need and are certainly prepared to help him get the treatment he needs to correct his feet. That being said, I must admit that the sight of this little guy trying to stand on the sides of his feet makes my heart hurt. He has a calloused area on the outsides of his foot, where it touches the ground and his ankles are bruised from bearing weight incorrectly, due to his clubfeet. And he wants so badly to be able to stand and cruise, but there is little doubt that it must be uncomfortable for him. Before I left for China we had already set up Jude's first appointment with Dr. Ponseti in Iowa City for a few days after we return home. And now that I am here I am so grateful that this little guy will soon be starting treatment to straighten those tiny feet so he can do all he wants so badly to do!

First hugs for mama, first thing this morning! Jude's birth note Clothes Jude was wearing when he was found Jude standing Tori gets big laughs before bedtime Our beautiful boy!

Today was a free day so we took full advantage and did NOTHING. We stayed in our jammies a good bit of the day and just played in the hotel room. More and more he is starting to feel comfortable with us, it is such a blessing to witness him as he bravely decides to trust again. He took two good naps, which I think he really needed, but couldn't get the day before because there was so much going on all the time. I joined him during his second nap and I think I needed it more than he did. You'd think jet lag would get easier, but it is killing me this trip! We are sleeping in the same bed since he will allow me to be next to him and seems to truly appreciate the closeness. He has started come over to lay on my chest or arm when we lay down, but when he's ready to sleep, he gets his pillow and goes off to lay by himself. I reminder that he has probably slept alone his whole life. Well, no longer sweet boy! You'll have a houseful of brothers and sisters who are dying to get their chance to snuggle with you :) Tomorrow we will make the 3 hour drive to Gutian to visit Jude's orphanage. This will be the first time I have been able to actually visit one of my children's orphanages. Sophie's orphanage allowed me to visit, unlike Isabelle's, and we were allowed to see a few of their model Half the Sky rooms. But I was not allowed anywhere else in the building and I was not allowed to take any pictures. Gutian is a very open orphanage and I am so thrilled that I will be able to meet his nannies, see his crib and experience the place that has been home to him for all of his 16 months. I am sure it will be extremely emotional for him and I suspect he will want to cling to his nanny. And I think, no matter how he reacts, that this visit is a good thing for him, offering some closure and allowing him to move from his past and into his future.

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