In China
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Monday, March 18, 2013 Thank God for Chinese Laundries As addressed in the “Our Story” section, Sam and Ellie are HIV positive. This entry is not about their HIV status. This entry is about our reaction to it. Thanks to amazing resources like Project Hopeful, we arrived in China with a lot of head knowledge about HIV transmission. We knew that their HIV status shouldn’t have any impact on how we loved them or showed them physical affection. But there is a difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge. I could probably teach a course on the physics of flight, but that knowledge does almost nothing to combat the fear I feel when sitting inside of a metal tube at 35,000 feet. So we arrived in China with strong, but untested convictions. Would HIV impact how we love them? Would their diagnosis be an obstacle to physical affection? Were a few months of education enough to undo years of ignorance and fear? These are the questions we brought to China, and God helped us start answering them within the first few hours that we were here: #1: Vomit in a Car The first test of our beliefs came within two hours of meeting Sam and Ellie. As captured earlier, I was holding Sam in a taxi on the way back from lunch when Sam started to vomit. I have been puked on by children before. This was not one of those minor “spit up” situations, this was a fire hose of partially digested Chinese food pouring down the front of my shirt and into my pants. And in that moment, my chief concern was about Sam. I worried about how bad he was feeling. I worried about how scared he must feel. To be clear, not all of my concerns were completely selfless. I also worried that he had puked on the sweatshirt and jeans that I was planning to wear for most of the week. I worried that I might start puking and set off a chain reaction of vomit like the Pie Eating Contest from “Stand By Me.” I started worrying about how I was going to get a child with terrible car sickness home on a 15 hour flight. (That continues to be a lingering concern.) But at no point was I worried about HIV. Sammy was my kid… not my kid with HIV. #2: Urine on a Plane At one point on the flight from Changsha to Guangzhou, Sammy and Ellie both asked to go to the restroom. Since Anne is a saint and covers more of the in-air duties, she took this shift. Apparently while in the 2x2 lavatory with a pair of 3-year old twins, Sammy failed to pull his pants down far enough. When he started to “Nyo Nyo”, he ended up soaking himself and starting to cry. At this point, Anne immediately picked him up. She then hugged and rocked him for several minutes… while her sweater slowly acted like a sponge for the urine in Sammy’s clothes. When she returned to her seat, I could tell that something was wrong. First, Sammy was still visibly upset. Second, she had a “you will never guess what happened” look on her face. Third, she smelled like “Nyo Nyo.” #3: Saliva on an Ice Cream Cone One afternoon in Changsha, we were walking the kids in the stroller and decided to buy them an ice cream cone. A few minutes later, Ellie reached out her cone and said, “Want some, Baba?” As much as I like ice cream, I am not a huge fan of the half-eaten variety. But I knew that this was an important moment. This was the first time that Ellie had offered to share anything with me, so I said “thank you” and took a bite. Once I realized how good it was, I continued to show my love for her through several more bites. And having broken the “sharing food” barrier, I have proceeded in the days since then to sample frequently from my children’s plate. I shared an ice cream bar with Sammy. I shared a water bottle with Ellie. And all four of us shared a desert fork at the Italian Restaurant. Some of you are thinking, “Forget HIV. That just sounds gross and unhygienic.” Perhaps so, but I need my children to feel close to me in as many ways as possible. And if that means that I have to eat some extra ice cream, then I am willing to make that sacrifice.

This is the "loogie" training that comes BEFORE the sputum test. This is the ice cream reward that comes AFTER. This is Sam being brave for his X-Ray (or it is a picture of how "normal" Sam was infused with Gamma Rays to become the Hulk-like super hero that we know today.) The "Aren't they cute together?" photo of the day Is that guy still taking our picture?

#4: Loogies on my Shirt As I mentioned in yesterday’s entry, HIV kids have to have some additional TB testing before the US government will give them a Visa to come home. In addition to a chest X-Ray and some blood work, they also have to submit for a “Sputum Screening.” I am delighted to report that today’s sputum testing went well. It was really hard on the kids, but we ultimately produced enough of a sample to satisfy the medical clinic. (When we reached hour 3 and it was clear that we were not going to submit to the intubation option, I think they dramatically lowered their standards for both quality and quantity.) The net result is that both kids produced “enough” sputum for Day 1. Thanks to those who prayed, and please keep up the prayers as we have two more days of this. In preparing for today’s test, we have been teaching our children to “hock a loogie.” And part of the training is on aim, since 3 year olds may not be the most expert “loogie marksman” in the world. I know this because one of Ellie’s first samples ended up all over the front of my shirt. At this rate, my dirty laundry will contain a full DNA sequence for both kids. When I saw the sticky gift on my shirt, I DID think about HIV… but my focus was a renewed frustration that this stupid sputum testing was needed at all. If I ever meet the CDC bureaucrat that mandated this, I will practice my loogie skills on him. #5: Blood in a Syringe This is a special entry, because it involves blood and needles – one of the only legitimate mechanisms for HIV transfer. What also makes this story special is that the “loving” gesture was not from Anne or me, but from an unnamed nurse in the Medical Clinic. As part of today’s visit to the medical clinic, both Sammy and Ellie had to have blood drawn for a series of tests. The nurse drawing Ellie’s blood was having trouble finding a vein with the 2 layers of gloves that are warranted for treating HIV patients under universal precautions. But because she knew Ellie was already having a bad morning, she did not want to add additional stress from multiple needle sticks. So she tore a hole through the index finger of both gloves… and she used her bare fingers to help probe for a vein. This was a woman who knew Ellie’s HIV status, and yet she chose to forego her extra measure of safety in order to make my daughter more comfortable. I am not advocating that medical professionals should stop following universal precautions. They are there for the protection of both patient and provider, but I will always be thankful to this nurse for her small but meaningful act of kindness to my daughter. I want to be clear in this closing that we do not take HIV lightly. We recognize that HIV is a serious condition, but we are working hard to insure that it is kept in perspective. Our children have HIV, but we are working hard to make sure that HIV does not have our children. We could choose to live in perpetual fear of HIV, but that doesn’t fit with our understanding of the science or our picture of God’s will. And that is ultimately the most important point. Our God is sovereign. He gets what he wants. And right now, I think he wants me to take another bite of Ellie’s ice cream…

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